Asia Gregg
Asia GreggPersuasive Humor
Email: [email protected]
Accepting New Clients: Yes
Client Size Range: Depends on business category

I broke all the rules to get here.

Traditional wisdom is more tradition than wisdom. The sacred commandments of advertising are not worshiped in my house. Because when you play by the same rules as everyone else you've already lost. So if you find yourself still following the rules then I suggest you run don't walk to the nearest dumpster, chuck the old playbook in there, and set that dumpster on fire.

Who I Can Help:

Most businesses still think they can win over customers if they just shout louder than the competition.

But that’s the Neanderthal way of advertising.

People don’t want to be yelled at; they want to be seduced. They love adventures and fantasy. They’re Jasmine from Aladdin. They want you to take them on a magic carpet ride and show them a whole new wooooorld. They need to be wooed like they’re on a first date.

Most businesses also don’t have the patience or the balls for this, and that’s exactly where your advantage lies.

If you agree, then I can help you.

Who Is Not a Good Fit:

Two types of business personalities that I run from:

  1. Discount-addicts and Presidents-Day-Sale junkies. If you’ve trained your customers to always wait for the next sale, then ain’t much I can do for you. If you Pavlov-dogged your audience to bargain-hunt, then I desire no part in that race to the bottom.
  2. Chicken Littles who think the sky is falling if someone doesn’t like their ad. If you’re afraid of offending even a single person, then keep walking. If you filter your message down to a watery G-rated seltzer that everyone and their grandma can stomach, let’s NOT talk.

Because if your ads are too weak to offend, then they’re also too weak to persuade.

What I Do For Clients:

Full disclosure: I’m a thief.

I steal from everything and everyone.
The thing they don’t tell you, is that we all do it.
We all steal.
All of us (yes, even you.)
If you’ve ever retold a joke you heard or a story that made you laugh, you’ve stolen.
We’re all thieves.
Our lives are entirely composed of things, sayings, beliefs, that we’ve hunter-gathered (I.e.; stolen) from other people.
So, we’re not that different, you and I.
I’m not that smart. I’ve just put together a bunch of things I’ve learned from smart people.
But, I’ve combined those things in fresh ways that others haven’t.
That’s what separates thievery from ingenuity.

In my time as a professional thief, I’ve compiled a list of techniques from many unrelated sources that make your message stand out from your competitors.
If you’re in a commoditized industry like HVAC or plumbing, an effective ad can be as simple as whispering when others are shouting.
Or it can be more nuanced, like singing a parody of “We Didn’t Start The Fire” about furniture. (Don’t ask me to do that again.)
I’ve been known to write entire backstories for used trailers that involve highway police chases, solely based on the fact that they’re missing a mattress.
I turned a piccolo into a demonic weapon.
I made a Kia Spectra seem COOL.
I sold a house by marketing solely to divorced dudes.
One time a guy from Houston bought a truck in Edmonton because of my nonsense.
That’s how good I am at stealing.
I don’t create.
I steal from enough sources that what I write sounds entirely original.
Even though it’s anything but.

So, if you’re looking for someone who does everything by the books, let me show you the door.
But if you’re looking for some out-there advertising, that combines so many stolen elements it’s like a swan dive into a pack rat’s nest….
Then maybe we should talk.

I’ve heard people say:

“Asia’s talent for compelling snark is as immense as the landmass her name represents.”
– Brian Swichkow, Founder, Ghost Influence

“Whenever I need sales copy to come alive, leap off the page and make a memorable impression on my clients, I always turn to Asia. Simply put, copywriting grabs eyeballs, tells a story and gets people to open their wallets.”
– Mike Harrington, Bestselling author and Owner TheAuthorityAdvantage.com

“The story should probably be renamed ‘Asia vs. Goliath.’ Because trust me, she will win.”
– Sean Ogle, Founder, Location Rebel

“You’re a bit nuts.”
– Roy H. Williams

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